[EDIT: 6.42 PM]
I never stop thinking, not even for one second.
It's a gloomy Sunday afternoon. Hmph, I thought that Sundays are supposed to be sunny, cause it is sun day. Get me? Oh, never mind. I am a bit crappy today.
I was refreshing my memory on what happened over the past few days and I realized that I am not me. I don't know why, I just couldn't seem to find myself. Let me ask you, am I a bad girl? Tell me, please. I have been trying to find out, trying to make a change, trying to satisfy everyone especially my parents. Why is it so hard to please everyone? I just don't get it. I felt that no matter how hard I try to complete a certain task, there will be someone who is unsatisfied. Why?
Yes, Mom, I am clumsy. And I have no clue how to change that. I have that uncertainty feeling when I do something whenever I'm under the supervision of one's eye. Hence, I lose confidence in myself and assume that I will do it wrong even if it is correct. See, I assume, again. I make myself see this weakness of mine as a special gift from God so that I wouldn't say that I hate myself whenever I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. I am trying to accept myself as an individual. If clumsiness is a part of me, I would have to learn to live with it. So please, try to help me to live with it. Yes, it might not be a good thing, but hey, I am trying to change. But I am afraid that I will change for the worse. Oh gosh, this is complicated. I am complicated.
And so what if I can't live without my sister? She is my twin, someone so special to me. Yes, I know, I have to learn to go my own way in a few year's time. But the time will come, and I will have to accept it, whether I like it or not. She is the only person I can rely on, to tell you the truth. I don't trust anyone so much, except for my sister. Yes, I am a bad friend, blah blah blah, go on and do your ranting in your head, but I am being honest to you. In this life, you can only trust one person. And even if I am attached or married to someone next time, I would never trust my partner as much as I trust my own sister. She is someone who knows me the best, even my parents couldn't beat her. She knows how I would feel if someone says something to me. The power of having a twin. Yes, go ahead and say that I am such a baby, but let me make this clear: I. DON'T. CARE. Period.
I am difficult, right? Go figure, that's why I will never be attached to someone. I am just too complicated.
Phew, what a (slight) relieve. A tiny part that I want to say for a long time has been said. There's still more, but I don't want to spoil my Sunday mood. Oh, the sun's shining again. Now, this is what I call the perfect Sunday. :)
Events next week:
3 more days to the release of Lines, Vines And Trying Times (June 17)!!! Hopefully it'll be here by then. (: I just can't wait!
6 more days to Campfire Night (June 20)!!! :D
... and school's resuming tomorrow. Bummer. ):
.:.:.:.:$[u]E t[E]nG:.:.:.:.
"Broken edges, unwanted memories" - Those Broken Keys Made My Piano Cry by Jshna.